Haunt Up Your Yard This Summer With Attack of The Gnombies

by on Jul.21, 2011, under Syndicated from the Web

Reposted from Rotting Flesh Radio | Go to Original Post

The Gnombies Are Coming...

The Gnombies Are Coming…

Ever have those neighbors that look at you painting black walls in July, or give you the look when trick or treaters line up for blocks to get to your house? Well now you can really get some fear into them and bring them some summertime terror with THE GNOMBIES!

Forget Gnomeo and Juliet, for the Roaming Gnome and bring some Halloween and Horror Terror with a Gnombie. What is a Gnombie you ask? A Gnombie is a garden Gnome that has been zombiefied. These add some fun and much needed weirdness to any garden for haunters and enthusiasts alike. They will eat your flamingos, other yard statues and more.

Here is the official Lore to the Gnombie:

“..…”and it all changed in an instant”….”this will haunt us all, well at least those who made it out of the Tir na n’Og Garden” (which has since been dubbed The Dark Garden)… Mark McElligott (One of the 3 remaining survivors of the incident in “The Dark Garden”) ….”the sounds were those of a variety that will haunt the 3 of us for the rest of our days”….”we just happened upon them all feeding on a mixture of scavenged parts”…. Errol Englebrecht (One of the 3 remaining survivors of the incident in “The Dark Garden”) ….”It was a total sensory overload, the smell, the sounds, the heat generated”…”and yet we were all drawn to them as if they had the answers to why they were doing what they were doing”….. Chris Perna (One of the 3 remaining survivors of the incident in “The Dark Garden”) Gnombie Pandemic Continues to Spread BOSTON MA: The Gnombie Pandemic continues to reach an all time high with multiple sightings all over the Eastern seaboard of the United States which are now estimated to reach over 100 cases in just a mere week.

“Staggering” was how one local law enforcement officer described the amount of 911 phone calls describing the sightings of “…these little garden freaks…” as referred to by the Medfield Garden and Lawn Ornament Emporium Proprietor Cliff Slater. “We had been having trouble with some of the local kids stealing from our shop at night so we decided to buy a guard dog. After a mere day on the job, all that was left was a collar, teeth, and many sets of tiny foot prints.” The rationale behind this recent insurgence of Gnombies is being investigated from every angle including an increase in overall home pesticide usage, the potential for any ancillary effects of acid rain or even a tertiary effect of the Nuclear Meltdown in Japan delivered via stratospheric gas transfer dumping this waste into bark mulch, peat moss, soil fillers. Investigations are still ongoing but for the time being, it is the advice of Bay State National Guard to follow the following instructions: Gardens should be avoided at all costs, weeding is not that important.

Attack of the Gnombies

Attack of the Gnombies

Bring your animals inside and do not let them out until this situation has been stabilized. Look for little footprints in your garden, lawn, driveway, as well as, claw marks on your other lawn ornaments, front/side/garage doors and if you find any of these contact your local authorities immediately. Be careful who you pickup hitchhiking as they blend into society quite well SEND IN PICTURES IF YOU THINK YOU HAVE IDENTIFIED ONE! Stay tuned for a weekly update as this crisis continues.”

Right now you can add your very own Gnombie to your yard by visiting: www.TheGnombies.com and pre-order yours before you are eaten by one yourself. I know Rotting Flesh Radio will be having a Gnombie very soon in the RFR Studios.


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